surfacing
Sometimes I wondered how deep into thinking I would have to get before I got tired of it. I think I’m finding my limit now because this entire winter has been deep deep deep. More specifically, I don’t think I’ve had a non-meaningful conversation for the past two months.
I know some people would kill for any level of meaning or deepness in their lives, so I will definitely just put it out there that I would much rather have my tiredness of deepness than a hunger for meaning. But at the same time, though, I kind of am ready to step back and take a breath from talking constantly with people who think just as much as me (i.e. way too much) about heavy issues.
I’m ready to go play some imaginary we-gotta-sneak-past-the-aliens games with my kids. I’m ready to go take a trip on the Oregon Trail with them, ready to throw snowballs and get snowballs thrown at me. Ready to talk with them about who has a crush on who, and who didn’t do their homework and needs to do a homework dance. Ready to converse in broken English and Korean again, ready to descend as a tickle monster on those who aren’t paying attention in class.
Sure, I’ll miss having deep meaningful conversations with people at some point in the next year, although to be honest, now that I’m talking to God more, maybe I won’t. Either way, I’m looking forward to getting back to China!
I remember, I remember!
I think I’ve cried enough tears these past two months to fill an entire lake. God must have been super busy keeping up with catching all my tears, both the ones out of pain and the ones out of joy.
Lately, it’s been none but the latter. And that’s because I remember my first love! I remember! During LG and GCC last fall I would cry and cry and cry because I was so loved, because God loved me so much. But I had forsaken Him; I had forgotten my first love. And now I remember, Lord, I remember.
I’m in a tender spot right now. But I know that He will keep me safe. I cried out for rescue and He promised He would, and I know His promises are true.
worthy
I can say no to temptation, because He is worth more than any fleeting pleasure that yielding to sin might bring.
Protected: happy new year – pw: my residential college
He is good!
Words fail me once more. For how do you capture the divine in words? I can speak and write of that which is human, that which is broken and fallen, but of things higher, I am limited. There are few words to speak of the joy that comes from perfect security, the hope that enters your heart upon seeing the Promised Land. Of the perfect knowledge that I am perfectly worthy, that I am perfectly loved. I can only witness to that sharp sweet pain that leads your heart to praise, to Hallelujah, to Amen.
We are not done yet. We will not be done until we enter into His promised rest. But never fear – we will make it.
let Your will be done
Let Your will be done. If it means heartbreak, pain and sorrow, let it be done.
If it means facing everything I have ever feared, and losing everything I ever wanted to keep, let it be done.
Let Your will be done, if it means trials and temptations, if it means failures and condemnation, if it means anguish beyond all measure.
Let Your will be done, if it means being unloved, being forsaken, being lost. If it means no peace, no joy, no comfort, let it be done.
I don’t know the bigger picture. I don’t know what’s beyond the veil. You, do, though. You know better than I. You know the way. The only thing I can do is trust You, and I do, I do.
Revelation 2:7
To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.
